I Declined

I was hanging out with the Helios Co-Op Crew last night

But I ended up drinking with this girl I barely knew

I knew of her, she was the bartender across the street

She saw me dance by myself on New Years Eve

She said she was impressed

That a person can have so much fun by themselves sober

Trust me, I Impressed myself too

We got really wasted.

I invited her back to my place.

And I massaged her till 6 in the morning

something I do when I’m drunk

We talked and talked and talked.

Apparently, our conversation made her breakup with her guy and she leased a new apartment the next day

I don’t know what I said.

I hope this is a good thing for her.

We hung out again.

She wanted me to go to Marfa, TX with her. I was just there a couple months ago.

She wanted me to take ecstasy with her

but I kindly declined.

She kept asking and asking for me to take it

it gave me anxiety, I wish people understood

ive tried it before, the consequences don’t please me

it gives me depression, I can’t let myself go back to the bottom of the well, I don’t think she understands

ill only take it if it feels right, and it didn’t feel right

so I eventually left when the time was forgiving

and I never saw her again.

Am I an asshole?