I’m Finally Feeling Happy with Myself

The sun was rising as Greer and I were viewing the Valles Caldera National Preserve off a cliff, just an hour north of Santa Fe, New Mexico. We had no plan to be here but I’m ecstatic that we spontaneously decided that morning to be free-spirits. I love these moments. I love driving to nowhere.

The valley was so mystical, and the vividness made me feel high on mushrooms. Yet, I was very sober. I asked myself, “How are you feeling, Julie?” and my conscious responded “Great. Really great! I’m genuinely happy!” I havnt felt this happy in a very long time. Not specifically this moment, but this year. This has been a great year. I traveled half the country in solitude and it’s been an amazing ride. This country is so beautiful and the people… the people are beautiful too, you just have to find it in them! I like being out here, with no plan, no substance and just enjoying the moment. So simple, but it can be really hard. For the longest time I had my own demons whispering in my ears, I felt my veins being intoxicated and I craved that feeling of self-pity. Those feelings can really take over one’s self and it can be addicting. It’s scary. I felt like I was stuck in a well. Seriously, a water well. But luckily, I’ve been climbing up the rope. My knees are cut up, and elbows bruised, but I feel like I’m out of the well. And I had so many people waiting for me (too many to even list – I love you guys). I’m out, man. I’m naked, pale and pruned but I’m currently basking in the sun. And it feels good.

I had my eyes closed when I thought of this and when I opened my eyes, I saw a family of elks watching the sunrise with us. You could tell who was the leader, and it was looking straight at us. I felt like we nodded to each other, like we were both thinking, “nature is dope”. I felt a strong connection with that elk. It was so majestic! 

I wish I had my phone to take a photo but I didn’t and I was glad. It’s a distraction.So we just watched the view together and it was magnificent.