Why South America

I had the windows down and threw my head out to feel the winter crisp air. I can see the Gemini Supermoon from above and I can feel her powerful nature. I was in awe of her. Craziness is saturated in the air. 

There was only 3 weeks left of the year and 2016 was filled with uneventful events. I’m no longer talking to my best friend Lizzie and Trump got elected president. And other stuff that I still don’t feel like sharing. This is the time of year when I’m extra weird. I dislike this feeling. I got dependent on weed and smoked 24/7. All the fucking time. Wake and bake. I can’t believe I was that person. I thought it made me feel better but looking back it made it worse. But this specific night of the Gemini full moon was when I changed that habit and only smoked at night. That’s progress, right? 

Earlier that day, my car caught on fire in Spicewood, TX and I also got fired from my job. I was doing Ashiatsu out there which I love doing but I hated working there so I wasn’t too disappointed. But what am I suppose to do now? I have another job in Cedar Park, I live in Bee Cave and I had a Japanese exam in north Austin the next day. I was so high when the car situation happened, I was beyond paranoid and had a major panic attack. Fuck. I hate remembering about that day. 

Anyways, I was dropped off at Radio. That was my first time coming there. I sat at the bar confused with my emotions but excited to be in the city and somewhere new for the first time. Man, I had to get the fuck out of Bee Cave. Although it was beautiful and serene, it depressed the fuck out of me. 

I sat at the bar and ordered some wine. The bartender was kind enough to converse with me as I sat and wrote a handwritten letter to my friend Paulina. I needed to converse with somebody other than my clients at work and my boyfriend. It felt good to talk to someone. I hadn’t eaten anything and I was starting to get drunk fast. 1 glass, then 2, oh now 3. The bartender told me that he got back from traveling inCentral America and Colombia for 5 months. He used to live in Portland and recently just moved back to Austin. He shared me recommendations of some Latin Literature 

          “The Savage Detectives” by Robert Bolaño 

          “Days and Nights of Love and War” by Eduardo Galeano

He was charming and nice. I was intrigued and I’ve been pondering on a trip to South America for years. I wanted to leave the bar, take a Lyft to the airport and fly to Santiago, Chile.

Ok 1 more glass of wine. I really needed it. I deserved it. 

And right before I lost all memory, I remembered the bartender reaching out his hand and he told me his name. And I told him mine.

Nice to meet you. 

My brain is intoxicated.

I’m embarrassed.

Bye. 

I somehow regain consciousness in the REI bathroom on 5th and Lamar. I’m not sure how I got there at the time. I was throwing up and crying, “Lizzie, where are you!?!? Why are you out of my life!?!? What did I do to deserve all this!?!?” 

Then, I started to feel this calm energy that tickled my skin, my hands became numb and I could kind of see things clearly, at least in my mind. That’s when I decided I was going to travel across The United States, from the border of Mexico to the edge of The Great Lakes viewing Canada from afar. And then, I was going to travel South America. I was determined, as a I wiped vomit off my mouth.